14/11/99 - Well, anyone who knows me knows that the last few months have been the most difficult of my entire life. As foolish and trivial as that is to say considering how lucky I am to live the life I have. How well off I am compared to so many others. Nevertheless, the last 3 months have given me a new perspective on life. Essentially this perspective revolves around one central question: can you ever really trust anyone other than yourself? Is it true that "only fools fall in love" and "nice guys finish last"? Unfortunately, I'd have to think that this would be an astute observation. We live in a world where the ruthless prosper and we use pseudo-altruistic behaviour to mask the truth behind our actions. Perhaps the only reason why the world does not end in a nuclear holocaust tomorrow is because the only true driving force in human nature is that of self-preservation. A force that is satisfied if we all simply "get along". Perhaps "getting along" is the only thing that we ever do in our lifetimes - perhaps there are no noble venture or action to undertake. What is the purpose of anything? I must profess that I do not know the answer - not only that but I only vaguely understand the question. Maybe some questions do not have answers. However, a question that is incomprehensible does not mean that it is not worth consideration. Maybe these riddles of life are the only things that help us to not simply "get along" but understand our existence. Understand our being. Understand that there is always a tomorrow - and that hopefully it will be brighter than today. 26/05/99 - I'm not sure exactly why but I'm feeling somewhat preachy today so if you're in the mood to you may just care to continue reading. I'm going to talk about two things but they both essentially revolve around one theme: taking what you have for granted. Now, of course, I will be the first to say that I do that all the time. This is going to have to be more of a "do what I say, not what I do" speach. Many of my contemporaries abuse their bodies with an infinite amount of substances, and it leads me to wonder why? Not only why one is driven to do it but also why I am not. Have I spent so much time in Hamilton that I finally mutated (mama, no!!!)? I personally believe that I am simply unwilling to sacrifice or gamble my body and well-being for a temporary rush or feeling. When you lose this game, you cannot insert another quarter or push start. When you lose it's goodnight - thanks for coming out. The second, and less drastic thing I'd like to reflect on is how little we appreciate what we have before we lose it. We bitch, whine, and complain about the stupidest things. "My parents are so embarrassing", "I can't afford a new stereo", "We have to much homework". In all honesty, who the ____ cares? We live in a land of opportunity and peace, and although this cow's been milked clean off the udder, we should be thankful for that. We've all got the chance at a really good education (Mike Harris or not). We can buy bread without having to beat off 50 people. And, especially, we've got a never-ending supply of toilet paper (think about that one for a minute). So, web-people, think what you will of me. I'll be back to my usual abrasive self next time. Just thought I'd drop some philosphy on you. 01/04/99 - This has been a pretty busy couple of weeks, so I guess there's a lot that can be said. This is the week that NATO starting bombing the stuffing out of Yugoslavia (or more precisely Kosovo and its surrounding region). Finally turned 21 (yay for me). Shout outs to my man, Col, who's now 20 and out of the teenage realm. And of course the end of the school year is rapidly approaching. Here's the beef, boys and girls: why the hell is it that in the last week of school, professors find it necessary to make up 90% of your mark? I mean, c'mon, did they not know that the bloody end of the year was coming? Was it that much of a surprise? Did they wake up all of a sudden and remember: "aw damn, I've only given my students one assignment all year...I better give them a project, midterm, 14 other assignments, and my shoes to be shined for tomorrow." All in all though, school's pretty good I suppose and you should all be thankful that we have the opportunity to do what many others do not. Anyhow, enough of the sob-story BS. My next entry will definitely be more thought provoking (if not, it'll be more abrasive). But here's a note for you: if you think your life sucks, check out my housemate and his bad-ass girlfriend (what a catch!!!): 22/03/99 - When you're having a really bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, remember it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your middle finger and flip them off.